Take this job, and shove it!

When I was a kid, my favorite superhero was Green Lantern. It was an odd choice, and in retrospect, it was a horrible choice... Of all the superheroes, Green Lantern was the only one that had to deal with managers. Specifically, a committee of old white-haired blue guys called the Guardians. Green Lantern was a galactic defender that had to suffer the pains of committee meetings and performance reviews.

Poor Hal Jordan was probably preparing PowerPoints and handouts for his next Guardian report, while Superman and Batman were boozing it up at the local pub. A superhero is not meant to suffer through the routine and bureaucracy of an office job. It's just not right! That's why I was glad that Hal finally told the Guardians to stick it where the lantern don't shine in issue #181.

I say this because I switched departments a while ago. I sensed that things were going to hell in a handbasket, so I left. Seeing what has happened to that department now, I know that I made the right move.

On the topic of leaving your job for greener pastures, I've made a list of must-own items if you happen to find yourself in a less than satisfactory work environment:

• Office Space DVD Collector's Set: If you haven't heard of "Office Space", let me tell you that it's the best portrayal of what cubicle hell is all about. If you work in an office, this movie will speak to you. This particular version comes with a coffee mug, mousepad, red stapler, and a TPS report notepad.
• Fight Club DVD: A darker movie that's about Edward Norton's character trying to break free of all the usual trappings of modern living.
  
• American Beauty DVD: This movie is more for those undergoing the middle-aged crisis, but Kevin Spacey's character does manage to blackmail his company into sending him a regular paycheck in return for nothing.
• Dilbert comics: It's become too popular for it's own good, because you can't find an office anywhere that doesn't have a Dilbert comic posted up somewhere.
• Happy Bunny card book: I got this as a going away present for my cubicle mates in my old department. It's a flipbook full of obnoxious sayings that you can display depending on your mood.
• Work is Hell comic collection: Before the Simpsons, Matt Groening had the Life is Hell comic strip. Some of them were written as mini-series, such as School is Hell, Work is Hell, Love is Hell, and Childhood is Hell. The scary part is that these comic strips are surprisingly useful and accurate.
• The Worst Case Scenario Guide to Work: Perhaps you hope to believe that your office is an exciting place full of action and adventure. This book will at least entertain you with crazy things you could do at the office, if you wouldn't get fired for it a few days later.
• A hollowed-out copy of "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves", concealing a small bottle of liquor: Hey, it's really the best of both worlds. People think you're keen on punctuation, and you have a shot of alcohol on standby when you really really need it.
  

If you're worried about your office environment, my advice to you is this... It always happens the same way. The smart people in your office are the first to know when things are wrong. They will start to send out their resumes and making plans to leave. When they start leaving, you better do the same. Next, the management will start letting go of the stupid or unnecessary people. After that, only the mediocre people will remain, stuck to take care of whatever is left. Remember this sequence of events... It will save your ass on more than one occasion.