The wife and I ran off to California for a summer vacation. I expected it to look like a Mad Max wasteland, as depicted in the 2Pac and Dr. Dre music video of "California Love". I was disappointed in this respect.
Fortunately, the Mad Max void was quickly filled by a Utopian fantasy land ruled by a cartoon mouse overlord. Yes, we went to Disneyland! I'm pleased to report that the rumours are true... Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth. Disneyland also procreated a sister theme park called "Disney's California Adventure" which is directly across from Disneyland. Why? So they could charge people twice for admission. Hey, that's no big deal for me. I'm willing to tolerate some financial raping to get into the happiest place (or is it places?) on Earth!
We decided to buy the 2-day park hopper pass, and spend the first day in California Adventure, and the second day in the original Disneyland. California Adventure is the newer of the theme parks, and is generally catered to a slightly older crowd. The best ride in the park was definitely Soarin' Over California, which was a combination of an IMAX theatre, a suspended rollercoaster, and a flight simulator. It's so good, that RideMax* recommends going on it twice. We also had the luck of being the first in line for the Monsters Inc ride after it reopened after a mechanical problem. In other words, we walked right up to the ride with nobody in front of us. If you don't think that's a big deal, then you haven't been to this theme park before. At the end of the day, we managed to visit each and every section of California Adventure, with one exception. We didn't make it into the Toy Story ride, because of the insane line-up. (RideMax* told us to go to the Toy Story line first thing in the morning, and we didn't believe... Sorry RideMax*. We were insolent.) Despite this, we still had a blast, and we all bought Mickey Mouse ear hats in our euphoric state.
On our second day, we brought our friends and their 5-year-old girl to the original Disneyland. If you want to experience true Disney magic, you gotta bring a child with you. We decided not to bother with RideMax, because our schedule was at the mercy of the a 5-year-old's attention span. She made a bee-line to the Royal Castle to see the Disney princess trio of Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella. She got to dance with the princesses. When that was done, she made a bee-line to Toon Town, were we got to walk into the private houses of Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, and Goofy. I'd like to say right now that Goofy's house is not up to code, because the damn thing is just one big room with a lot of nutty furniture. Secondly, Mickey Mouse apparently lives in a cartoon mansion, because he's got way more space than Goofy or Minnie combined. Sometimes it pays to be the big cheese. We got to shake hands and take photos with Mickey himself, and our token 5-year-old got an autograph. We then lost ourselves in TomorrowLand, where they managed to give the place a bit of a facelift. No more flying cars, atomic vacuum cleaners, or other retro-futuristic stuff. They have updated the technology to suit the times. We got to ride on Segways, sing terrible karaoke (yes, I guess this means there is karaoke in the future) and play X-Box games (why are there no Wiis in the future?). My favorite ride was Star Tours, where a robot pilot voiced by Pee-Wee Herman manages to fly a tour bus into the middle of the Death Star canyon run. The 5-year-old loved the Finding Nemo submarine ride, which requires waiting in line for 45 minutes in the hot California sun... something that her father and I were given the responsibility of doing. That said, it was a pretty good ride. Lightning struck twice, as another mechanical failure was recently fixed at the Buzz Lightyear ride, and we only encountered a short line-up.
In conclusion, go to Disneyland and spend buckets of money. You can't put a price on happiness, but Disney comes up with a close approximation. Seriously though, you won't regret visiting Disneyland (or California Adventure) as they are tonnes and tonnes of fun for any age group. If you can't have fun there, you can't have fun anywhere.
* What is RideMax? It's what happens when computer engineers visit a busy theme park and determine the optimal algorithm for maximizing your time there.
5 comments:
Ah, to be on vacation! I will surely take your advice and bring Bowie and #2. However, it sounds like a couple of days of adult time would be ideal too!
Wow...I never thought I'd hear you espousing the virtue and value of a corporate behemoth like Disney & Disneyland! How far you have fallen from your ascetic communist roots. :)
Oh my... Sounds like someone needs a trip to Disneyland!
I imagine there's some brainwashing device in Disneyland. Either that or they dispose of you and replace you with an android replica and send you back home to recruit more people.
I found out that www.disneyfrontier.com was referencing this particular blog entry. Very cool, and yes... Disneyland was a pleasant surprise.
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