Treatise on Tofu.

Soy bean curd. Does that sound tasty to you? Well that's what tofu is. As part of my re-asian-ification process, I've been subjected to large amounts of tofu by my girlfriend. Now, I know what you guys are thinking... tofu is flavourless and bland. It's like eating cardboard or a bath sponge. I should be so lucky.

• Tofu experience #1: Spicy tofu
  At a Sichuan restaurant, I had to eat this crazy spicy tofu. It was the sort that starts off slow, and gradually builds until all you can taste is fire. Not pleasant.
• Tofu experience #2: Salty tofu
  There are these little tofu cubes that are extremely salty. They are used in congee for flavoring. One cube in a bowl of congee is usually enough. Not knowing this, I ate a cube. It was like swallowing sea water.
• Tofu experience #3: Smelly tofu
  Okay, I sure as hell did not know about this kind of tofu. It's supposed to be a specialty. The problem is that the tofu smells like garbage... like the smell you get the morning after garbage day. I really wanted to have an open mind about this. Really, I did. But I simply could not eat something that smells like that, especially after experience #1 and #2!

So there you have it. I now have an aversion to (possibly a psychological fear of) tofu. However, I must accept that tofu is the food of the future. Quite simply because our stockpiles of soylent green and insect meat will not enough to sustain our food supply. My girlfriend decided to go back to basics, and is feeding me "white man's tofu" which is flavoured like coconut, almond, and (ironically enough) banana.