That's right. She was the winner. She beat all those other big guys to win. The event was hosted by the online casino GoldenPalace.com, which hosts events and buys oddities from E-Bay to get media attention and promotion. (I'm sure this information will be important to you in the near future.)What this is leading up to is this... I made a bet with my girlfriend. It's a very silly bet that doesn't involve competitive eating. Unlike Sonya Thomas, my Asian metabolism is failing me. Growing up here has given me North American eating habits, and therefore a North American body weight. I bet that I could be under 200 pounds by New Year's Day. Here are the specs:
- The gold standard will be the measurement from the scale in my condo's gym. I will be weighed with in my standard gym shorts and T-shirt, without my shoes.
- My weight according to this method as of Monday was 210 pounds.
- I have until January 1st to bring my weight down to at least 199.99 pounds.
- This represents losing almost 5% of my body weight in 5 weeks, or 2 pounds per week.
- Should I succeed, my girlfriend will pay for a lengthy dinner at an all-you-can-eat buffet of my choosing.
- Should I fail, I must sacrifice my lazy mornings, and actually show up to work at the standard time of 9:00am henceforth. (I currently enjoy a 10:00am start time.)
6 comments:
If you succeed in losing weight, you'll be rewarded by getting the chance to gain it all back in one sitting? That's the warped North American preference of quantity over quality. Why don't you get your girlfriend to take you to a gourmet restaurant instead, fatty?
And if you fail, you just have to get up earlier? That is also a non-sequitar. Why don't you commit to exercising X number of times per week until X time instead? That makes more sense, tubby.
Finally, let's be honest: I'm the one who gave you all the reasons why this is a foolish venture. But you should try anyways as preparation for a real lifestyle change from January onwards. Start by putting down that Coke, Big Bones.
(I do all this because I care, Mr. Chunk.)
I love ironic rewards... Like the time Barney Gumble won a supply of Duff Beer for his movie about his tragic alcoholism.
So yes, I am going to try to lose weight so I can gain it all back in one sitting. It's genius! Pure genius!
You should look to Peter Jackson as your role model. Not only for film making but also for your weight-loss goal. Take a look at him in this clip. I almost didn't recognize him.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/king_kong/hd/lookinside.html
I think your goal can be achieved effortlessly by the following: Eat everything that is offered to you by your Chinese hosts. With a North American stomach unaccustomed to the Chinese bacterial flora and fauna, you will be guaranteed digestive orders that no doubt will allow you to lose those extra pounds. My personal recommendations: Pig guts and goat gonads.
Perfect timing! All you have to do is get close enough to one of those diseased chickens over there, and you could easily lose 10 pounds in body fluids alone!! :-)
Lop your head off. That's 30lbs. It's the only way to be sure.
OR STOP EATING McD's!!!!!!
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