The True Meaning of Halloween

What is it with Halloween these days? Everywhere you look, people are trying to buy costumes and buy candy... I'm disappointed with the commercialism of Halloween, because people have lost sight of it's true meaning: Celebrating wholesome Pagan family values!

I yearn for days of old, when families would sit at the Halloween dinner table for quality family time. They would feast on Halloween turkey fresh from the oven with delicious Pagan stuffing. They would decorate their Halloween tree and exchange gifts wrapped with Pagan bows and ribbons. For entertainment they would sing Halloween carols. If they were Jewish, they would light Halloween menorahs and play with dreidels made out of Pagan clay. It was a grand old time for everyone.

Alas, those days are gone. Halloween has become a holiday of consumerism. The powerful candy and chocolate industries have turned Halloween into a mockery! Kids are filling up on sweets. Teenagers are obsessed by the marketing influences of egg producers and the toilet paper lobby. Adults are running around getting slutty costumes for their Halloween office party. That's all good fun, but what about the Paganism? What good is Halloween without unabashedly celebrating Paganism?

Don't get me started on political correctness either... In order to create an inclusive environment , some people have decided against saying "Happy Halloween". They will instead say "I hope you cordially enjoy this final day of October." Let's not pretend it's not Halloween, people! So the next time someone tells you "I hope you cordially enjoy this final day of October", you bring them to task on their anti-Paganistic attitude and let them know that it's Halloween!

PS: Happy Halloween, everyone. Please enjoy your Pagan egg nog responsibly.