Love at first bite.

I love my girlfriend. She's everything I've ever wanted... except that she can't eat 26 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes. For that, I would have to date Ms. Sonya "Black Widow" Thomas, who has once again won another eating contest. First it was turkey, and now it's grilled cheese sandwiches.

Clearly she shares my passion for food, especially terrible food like grilled cheese sandwiches. She is also methodical, as she practices for these events by drinking massive amounts of water to stretch her stomach. Aside from the very obvious facts of me having a very awesome girlfriend, and me never having met Sonya, there are some additional things to consider...

First off, how terrible would it be to take Sonya Thomas out to dinner at a fancy restaurant? How much lobster or prime rib do you think she will eat during the duration of a typical date dinner? The bill is not going to be pretty.

Secondly, being passionate about food, am I going to have a chance to eat anything before she gets to it first? One of the things I like about my girlfriend is our ability to share dishes. We'll ask each other how the other person's dish tastes like, and swap small portions of them. This is probably not so for Sonya...

I anticipate Sonya dunking the introductory bread slices in ice water to help her digest them quickly. She'll then make short work of the soup or salad. Consuming her main course should be a matter of minutes. My attempts to discuss the quality of the food would be interrupted by a muffled grunt to get me to stop breaking her concentration. Once she is done her entree, she would start to eye my main dish. Dessert will come and disappear in much the same manner. I would sit at the other end of the table in shock and amazement.

I guess it's a good thing that my girlfriend can't eat 26 sandwiches in 10 minutes. It would actually be quite terrible. I guess what I really want is to be able to eat the massive amounts of food that Sonya Thomas does, and not have to pay dearly for it. What food lacks in quality, you make up in quantity, right? Right??