The Oscars: Baiting celestialspeedster

This just in from Associated Press:

If trends hold, this year's Oscars could be one of the lowest-rated telecasts yet. Ratings are always highest when a blockbuster is in contention, such as "Titanic," the highest-grossing film of all time. But this year's slate contains no blockbusters, and they mainly deal with dark, difficult themes.

This will be the last installment of my Oscars blog trilogy. On that note, I'd like to back off a bit. For the people that work hard to produce quality movies, I have to salute you. Hollywood is a crap-infested swamp of bad scripts and screenplays, and yet you still believe in foregoing the cash-grabbing blockbusters (early Spielberg stuff) and focusing on producing meaningful movies that are truly timeless (late Spielberg stuff).

For the little guys, this will really be their big night: The special effects crew, the audio/musical team, the costume designers, and especially the writers. Don't let Hollywood cheat you from your moment! Here are some tips for you:

• Make sure you max out your speech time, and if they make you accept your award in your seat or in a hallway somewhere, make sure you make a mad dash straight for the centre stage instead.
• If you don't get your fancy gift bag, then demand one... or steal one off of a drunken star later in the night. (Not Russell Crowe though. He apparently throws things.)
• Be sure you get noticed on the red carpet, even if you have to fake a heart attack. If they won't let you on the carpet, circle around back and come out through the front doors.
• Be sure your clothes get noticed by everyone holding a microphone. Strut if you have to.
• Most importantly be sure to slap the back of every star that walks past you on their way to the stage... or on their way to their seat... or on their way to the washroom.
• If you win in your category and you're going to cry, then cry loudly and uncontrollably.
• If you lose in your category and you're going to cry, then cry loudly and uncontrollably.

That's all I've got to say about the Oscars this year. Good night!