Sunday, March 25, 2007

We must conquer the French!

I've been meaning to blog about this for some time. Canada should invade France... specifically the small islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon, located just south of Newfoundland. This last bastion of the French empire lies at the very doorstep of Canada, and while I have no proof that there are weapons of mass destruction hidden on these islands, their electrical sockets clearly disregard North American standards. For this reason alone, St. Pierre and Miquelon must be annexed as a newly conquered territory of Canada.

PROPOSED ATTACK PLAN FOR CANADIAN INVASION OF ST. PIERRE AND MIQUELON:
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1) Under cover of darkness, Quebecois paratroopers will be air-dropped into sparely populated areas. Once on the ground, they will secure vital strategic targets and relay information to the main strike force.

2) The main strike force will arrive by sea, in amphibious assault vehicles (portaging canoes) and capture the two main urban centres. The local population of approx. 6000 people will be subdued with troopers armed with hockey sticks and duct tape. (These prisoners will eventually be sent to labour in Canada's infamous poutine mines.)

3) When France eventually finds out what has happened, they will immediately retaliate with a formal declaration of surrender.

4) Canada will install standard North American electrical sockets on the island, and the threat will have been eliminated.
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2 comments:

celestialspeedster said...

We have no use for these islands so we might as well make an example out of them by nuking them.

"France, if you don't bend to our will, this will happen to you! (detonate bomb)"

(Before I hear the outrage: I'm kidding)

3/30/2007 3:06 PM
Anonymous said...

Or we could blow up Newfoundland, and the tidal wave created as it crumbles into the ocean would take out those pesky french. 2 for 1 deal!

4/02/2007 11:33 PM

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